* Hey all
Nora here. I'm 23 and go to a SUNY school in upstate NY.
I have different dreams and aspirations; most of which i come up against road blocks because of my low self-esteem; depression, anxiety, and self-injury ( hands clean of it for almost 2 weeks now...before it was 111 days...)
.( the above are * symptoms of PTSD and BPD* )
i'm surprised there are people here who have dealt with similar issues...
i'm so scared of being an outcast. kinda pathetic, given that i'm 23...but..yah..
I *love* singing and theatre.they're the parts of me that i know are real...
even if i'm not the best actress...it's like...how do i describe it... *okay*-> "everytime i get up on stage, i'm fighting against every "you'll never cut it" tape ( side a *and* b) in my head."
i'd like to teach theatre to kids...as well as volunteering on an ambulance, and pursuing my musical *talents* ( yes, talent lol) i've written copious songs...half of which are ready to go...i just needa transcribe them.
haha...uhh... yah =/
on my good days, it's like a walk in the park..and on my bad days; i feel like i'm not *worthy* of my dreams. like i sleep-walked one night and stole from them someone more *deserving*
and that's putting it nicely...it's like i would do *anything* for my friends...but to accept love in return is one of the hardest things for me. not like it's hard to *take* a compliment...but the problem starts cuz i don't think i deserve it... like "how could anyone really..." as simple as that might sound...
One good thing....i was gonna be maddd late for a weight watcher's meeting a few weeks ago and i got the length of staten island i was just * so * pissed off at everything. so i zoned off at the back of the bus...and then this little baby started crying. like...wouldn't stop...i had a headache already so i figured what's the harm in tryin to sing to the little one?
yup. it worked. like a charm =) ...it was a good 20 minutes, but she drifted off.
it just...i forgot about all that negativity. =)
I apologize profusely for rambling on....
i hope no one is already annoyed with me..
*lots of bear hugs*